Muzan Darkmoor: Goblin Slayer

[Muzan]

Prologue:
‘Tis a truth most true, that carrying a laden corpse is the best way to exercise the upper muscles of the back. How do I know this? Because here I am, lugging around a dead goblin and waiting to catch the ship to Cadu. I do hope it arrives soon. I hear tell of a tanner who will accept most anything to craft coats from… I want to make a coat out of the body and auction it. But you must be wondering how in Takhisis’ name I managed to do it! Qwer the goblin is---and after visiting Lars still is---of greater stature than I, and quite dexterous and healthy and such. How could I have possibly killed her? Allow me to recount the tale while we are waiting for this ship. *checks the sign to make sure it is, in fact, Cadu and gestures smoothly*


(a mystical fog engulfs you)


Act One:

I woke up to the sound of my alarm-toad croaking most horridly. Ugh. I slapped it across the room, but it kept croaking. Cursing colourfully, I managed to get up and trudge to the window. What day was it again? Ah… yes. The end of the Nether week. A very special day. I slipped into my crimson shirt first, brooding over what I was going to do to-day. You see, I had been planning the entire week to kill a certain personage. Qwer, a Dragon Highmaster, some fancy sort of minstrel, and constant thorn in my side. I need not delve into the details. Suffice it to say, she had said some choice things and threatened my life *numerous* times over the past year. She killed me once also, but that event was a most peculiar one. Anyhow… see how patient I am? It took a whole year to motivate planning an assassination! But I digress. I slipped on my shirt, threw on a chainmail I had looted from some poor man in the depths of Cair Andros, and began to make the final preparations for my scheme.

The island fortress of Cair Andros has three levels. Rumour speaks of an even lower basement level, but I have not found it. On the uppermost, we have lookout stations. Four of them. On the main level, we have locked doors. Finally, below we have rooms of vigilant warriors. I slaughter them often enough that reinforcements are sent from Gondor… poor saps. It is the main level that concerned my plan. You see, I had learned the art of lockpicking from a kender in distant Kendermore. On one of my slow days, I had picked every lock in Cair Andros. I discovered some keys… and my cunning knew at an instant that one might lock their enemy in a storage room and stab them most effectively. Of course, Qwer being present in my mind (we had been Hunting in the Cair as of late) and my anger brewing ever-worse, I concocted a most evil scheme.

I sparred Qwer at the beginning of the week. It is not worth discussing because I lost very easily to her, and left her merely suffering when I was at death’s door. But… I hid my strength. I did not lighten my burden as much as I could have, nor did I wear my lovely dexterity-enhancing leggings. Thus, I fooled her just a little. Anyways…

I had invited Qwer to hunt in Cair yesterday. I said I wanted to lead, having recently visited an old magician in Palanthas who had done strange, strange things to my body. Her reply this morning was most astute. “But you're gonna try and kill me, aren't you.” I laughed as I read it.

My response was supposed to be teasing: “Yes Qwer, I'm going to lead you on a boat, attack you, and then die and sink into the ocean when your Mergula kills me.”

That should convince her it’s safe to come, I thought as I left the post office. I had more important things to worry about. I had purchased a sum of Wenya and Este from a secret source the other day, and was being given a naginata as a gift today. Not only that, I had two red witch brews that I asked a friend to put in a rack for me. These things I collected and held onto very tightly as I boarded the ship for Pelargir. Once we arrived, I headed straight for Cair Andros and surveyed the perimeter. I needed to ensure nothing would go wrong. The key still worked, and I had closed all the other doors.

“Perfect,” I muttered to myself. To anyone else, I would have looked a madman, because I *kept* muttering it.

I returned to Sparkle a bit later, to see the new mail Qwer had sent. My eyes narrowed imperceptibly while reading. What drivel was this? She was saying if I hurt her, she would kill me twice over. Not only that, an orphan ran up to me while I was reading, with another letter that said if she was attacked by a Priest of Takhisis during our Hunt, she would still kill me twice over (To summarize, the Blue Dragonarmy had posted some questionable and rude things on the board of Sanction. I had made my disdain known with my own board note. She had probably read that and sent this in anger). I burned the letter, patting the child on its head.

“Return to your master and tell her I will pray the Priests do not wake until we are done with Cair Andros.” The orphan ran off. I spit on the ground in disgust as I watched it run off. The wench dared to continue threaten me? Infuriating.


Act Two:

I sipped my kahve and fell back into brooding as I walked through Sparkle. There was just one small issue to this plan. Qwer was healthier than me, among other things, even if I was slightly stronger. Not only that, she had the sword of Mergula, which made her healing better, and it hurt getting hit by that thing! What could I do to prevent dying… hmm. I needed better chest armour. Without explaining exactly why, later in the afternoon, I asked Riva and Osprey to come to Minas Morgul with me to visit some trolls. These trolls are special. Their armour protects against the Blue Wing’s sword-slash very effectively. Thus… I gave my own chainmail to a troll and we left after getting one. Well. We didn’t *really* get one. Riva had a black platemail in her pack that she had forgotten about until we made it to the Tower. She gave it to me. Nice of her. But I digress. We left Minas Morgul, and I thanked them for their help. They had no idea what I was planning… it was better this way. I would tell them when I told everyone else. I left camp, petting a goat that had made its way into the barracks. Then, I took an extra step to ensure my success.

An acquaintance I had been hunting with recently… had the ability to turn invisible. As the evening drew nearer, and my battle closer, I took this friend to the room in Cair Andros and had her hide there, prepared to cast a spell of healing upon me, should I cough in her direction. Qwer would not know I had a healer. ‘Twould be amusing. And then I began to pace in the room itself. Waiting. Waiting for Qwer to wake up. Then… I looked to the door and saw my Cousin, Anniyas.

I cursed internally. Why was she here? Why were there others in Cair now, of all times… Ah well, nothing I could do. I bowed to her, and we made small talk. Before long, Dravian walked into the room with his gallant step. I tried to persuade the two to leave and Hunt elsewhere (that is why they were in Cair), but they would not have it. The two left to begin killing downstairs. This would not be too problematic, hopefully. I could not help but worry. My fingers had begun to shake around the shaft of my naginata.

I took a deep breath. I steeled myself. And then the wind told me Qwer had awoken. I sent a waif, asking if she was ready to meet me. I made my way to Sparkle. The time had come to enact my cruel vengeance.


Act Three:

I met Qwer outside the Church. I invited her to join my team, and we began at a leisurely pace to Pelargir and the plains of Anorien. We made small talk. Qwer mentioned someone named Yulia.

“Yulia sings a lot. Be prepared.” I grinned as I said it.

“Never met Yulia, got hooked up through Taran,” she replied as she munched on a carrot.

I explained what I knew of Yulia. She seemed to be a rising minstrel, writing songs left and right. But all this is unnecessary to our tale… merely setting the stage for the curtain to fall. Mmm. It was in this manner of easy conversation that we stepped into Cair Andros. We walked past the open door, and Qwer did not notice. And we stepped downstairs. I was tingling with excitement. Bloodlust was threatening to overflow from my soul. I was *hungry* for death. But I had one last trick to pull.

“Can I swap chest armours with you for 15 minutes or so? I re-allotted parry and defence and would like to test if the ancient mithril will keep me at the right kill rate.” My voice did not waver.

She replied, “Give it back before we leave,” and handed it to me. I removed my dragonscale armour (that I had grabbed earlier as a throwaway… as to not reveal my black platemail) and gave it to her as I put the chainmail on.

“Aye,” I said, “In case you get hit by one.” The runes on my chainmail began to glow red.

And then I led us into the room west of us, and we began to kill the Gondorians. Amidst our steady slaughter, Qwer remarked, “I’m burdened… I think I might go topless.”

“Woah. Even though you’re a goblin… please. Modesty.” I had to stifle my laughter as I said it.

She asked for a spare shirt. I slipped mine off under the chainmail and smoothly handed it over, and she threw my dragonscale armour back at me with a grin. I was cheering inside my head. She had no chest armour on *at all* now. What an unintended consequence of my genius… but it was very pleasing.

“I hate red,” Qwer said. And then made some vulgar remark which I shan’t repeat, and then she thanked me.

We made more small talk. I made up a story about my new skills---there were no new skills and this was a complete deception---and we kept killing through the rooms of the fort.

“Red doesn’t look too bad on you,” I mentioned it as I was trying to calm my nerve.

“That’s sweet, but it clashes with my eyes,” she replied, smiling.

Oh, Qwer. You poor thing. How amusing you were.

I led us back to the entrance of the lower level. And while she was saying the Army of Angmar was an “amazing place” I dragged her upstairs, ran to the left, threw the dragonscale armour aside, and then brought us into the open room. Slamming the door shut, sliding the key into the lock faster than she could see, I disbanded our team, slipped the key into my pocket with my left hand, threw a red witch brew at her face with my right. It exploded gloriously. While she was reeling backward, I slipped off my chainmail, grabbed my black platemail, and threw the former into my pack. Wrapping my hands around my naginata, I stabbed forward, deep into her side. She screamed.

Her reflexes for some peculiar reason, forced her to unwield both her blackened magnificent longswords and her pack must have been closed… she tried dropping them in there. While she was doing that, I quaffed six of my Wenya in quick succession. She bruised me with her elbow, but it felt like nothing. The ecstasy of battle had overtaken my body. I stabbed into her head, then slashed at her chest. The weapon’s magickal properties now showed themselves, and a scintillating black energy rippled forth from my blade, severing several of her arteries.

“What the fuck,” was all that came from her lips, and to me it was the sweet, dumb cry of a dying animal.

“Die, wretch.” I snarled, and thrust the naginata deep into her legs, cutting them off. The blood gushed forth from her instantly, and she fell before me, cut in half. A sudden chill permeated the air, and a dark shadow swept over her lifeless eyes. I began to laugh. It had ended in *under a minute*. My healer had not had to heal me at all.

“Congratulations,” whispered my invisible friend. I thanked her… told her I would meet her later. I grabbed the corpse, unlocked the door, and left Cair Andros with my quarry, in full health, and the joy of execution flowing through my veins.


(the mystical fog surrounding you vanishes as though it was never there)


The ship arrives as I finish my story. A crooked grin comes across my face. I bow, spreading apart the folds of my flowing crimson silk cape, and board the ship.

Fin~

[qwertheangmarim]

So, a female invisible healer...

Odds are a PoT or a SoHM... and female helps to narrow that down... thanks for the tips, adding those to my kill list

[Muzan]

good luck

[qwertheangmarim]

good luck

Let's pray I get the luck this time. My luck leaves you dead and gone, where you belong.

[gold bezie]

This is a marvelous story and this is one of the things that Genesis to me is all about.
Very smart how Muzan planned this revenge on his frienemy. And the story is
quite funny as well.
I love the surprising end where there was even a hidden healer in the room.

Now Qwer, not sure if you are angry or can see the fun in this all, we are all waiting to read in a couple of months, maybe years, a well hidden and deadly trap. Keep the fire burning!

ps. if you need help with recovery let me know