Code: Select all
Esteemed Denizens of the Donut!
I come to you, pushing my way through the dense snows of this disastrous
mid-winter, desperate to deliver results from the Event, much delayed
by this horrible weather which has kept me from ...
Oh, who are we kidding.
LATE! LATE! LATE!
And no excuse. Here I am, late and without even a mildly appropriate
method of apology. Ridiculous! But, here at last.
So, for any of you who actually still remember, back in November we began
a couple of weeks where everyone in the game came up against a choice
that shook even the most grim-minded Warlock to their very core: To
stroke, or not to stroke? That was the question!
The answer? 123! No, not "one, two, three!" but "one-hundred twenty-three."
Yes, 123 players answered the call and found it in their hearts to adopt
a turkey and take their place among the forever-honoured ranks of
caregivers to the Turkey Nation. Praise be to their sacrifice and service!
As with any ranks of honour, one must figure out just who cared the most.
Who felt that deep down their true purpose was one of love, one of feathers,
and one of unending scripts and botting ||RECORD SCRATCH|| ... er ... that
is to say, careful maintenance of a Turkey's every need.
Well, they probably already know who they are, and maybe you do too, since
the statistics were available for everyone to stare at and obsess over for
most of the event, and long afterwards. But! We must still make official
declaration. LET IT BE KNOWN:
====================
OVERALL PERFORMANCE:
====================
1st place: Anniyas, with a health rating of ---- 3,480
2nd place: Nellnight, with a health rating of -- 3,386
3rd place: Bastet, with a health rating of ----- 3,235
These three hard-working caregivers will receive their due reward of
imbuement stones and additional qxp, well-deserved!
Shocking and dishonorable mention goes to these loathesome wretches:
Sandrine (once) Salix (once)
Zorakosii (once) Buddah (EIGHT TIMES!!!?!!!?!??!!)
Kara (twice!) Lumille (once)
Kaido (thrice!!) Radatha (once)
Muzan (twice!) Yeren (once)
Serander (once) Dar (once)
Nyneve (once)
all of whom actually chose to <abandon> their turkey, devastating the poor
bird's health, and placing them as persona non grata in the turkey embassy
in Liwitch. I mean ... once might have been a mistake, not knowing what
they were actually doing (doubtful), but ... I mean ... Buddah ... THERE
IS A SPECIAL HELL ECHOING WITH GOBBLES WHICH AWAITS YOU, SIR.
========
SAFARIS:
========
The turkey safaris were a huge success, with 17 people finishing all
fifty-two treks, and Anniyas being the first to brave the pits of Moria to
give her beloved bird a glimpse of the Balrog. Honorable mention here
goes to Duncanwoods, who was the most ill-equipped (in stats) to make this
perilous journey. All 17 people received large bonuses to their turkey's
health, but Anniyas and Duncanwoods will receive special titles and quest
exp rewards for their feats.
========
BATTLES:
========
Performance in the turkey battles was wondrous to behold. Madmartigan
tops the rankings in terms of total wins, his bird having defeated an
impressive 35 other turkeys. Dubious mention goes to Bastet, who topped
the wrong list with an unrivaled 28 losses!
Ten people were dedicated enough to complete the 20 matches required to
compete for top rankings. Duncanwoods enjoyed the best win/loss ratio, with
an impressive 17-10 season giving him a 62% record! Logg had the worst
record, with the 7-13 season score leading to a dismal 35%. Special mentions
go to Madmartigan, who completed the most turkey battles (sixy!), and
Maphal, who decided to quit while ahead with a perfect 5-0 record!
Madmartigan and Duncanwoods will both get titles to commemorate these
achievements, as well as some additional quest experience.
=========
DRINKING:
=========
Faster than lightning, the event became an all out booze-fest, with numerous
turkeys ending up so drunk they could barely function. Four caregivers stood
out among the revelers to claim the top three spots. Anniyas again proved most
resourceful, finding 220 different drinks to serve her bird. Montagu and
Nellnight tied for second place, with 217. Montagu took third, trailing
with 216 drinks.
All of these will all be awarded special titles and additional quest
experience for their hard work. Exosphere is encouraged to fill a bottle
with tears for just missing the mark with 215 drinks. Perhaps this could
be served to their turkey for the final tie-breaker? HAHAHAHAHA!!! (Sorry,
Nazul-mode.)
Way to get your drink on with the turkeys everyone! One fascinating thing
to note is that back in 2014 when this event was run the first time, the
winner of the drinking portion, Nemi, triumphed by finding 124 drinks,
which means that 96 more drinks were findable this time! Certainly the
wizards have not shirked their promises to the Swedish founders, and given
our lovely community so many new ways to get drunk through the years.
============
TURKEYSAURUS:
============
We don't talk about the turkeysaurus.
Prayer services have been held in the Sparkle church for Madmartigan,
Felicity, Altina, Arleas, Kabam, Superguan, and Kaido (twice!) all of
whom fell at the feet of the dread creature in feathery-ruin.
================
REWARD SUMMARIES:
================
Anniyas - 2 selected glittering imbuement stones
- title "Turkeymaster Supreme" for winning the event
- title "Safari Guide of Reknown" for first to completion
- title "Best Bird Boozer" for most drunken turkey
Nellnight - 2 selected unblemished imbuement stones
- title "Turkeymaster Elite" for 2nd place in the event
- title "Bird Booze Buddy" for 2nd runner up drunken turkey tie
Bastet - 2 selected ordinary imbuement stones
- title "Turkeymaster of Distinction" for 3rd place in the event
- title "Bird Boozer" for 3rd place drunken turkey
Madmartigan- title "Battlemaster Most Fowl" for overall battle wins
Duncanwoods- title "Seventh Degree Turkey Blackbelt" for best battle record
- title "Intrepid Safari Guide" for junior completion
Montagu - title "Bird Booze Buddy" for 2nd runner up drunken turkey tie
Titles will last for one year, are of course optional, and can be claimed
along with qxp at the Events Office in Sparkle. This office resides in
the lowest level of the Tower of Realms. Stones will be handed out
personally by me, at mutual convenience.
Thanks so much, everyone! This was a very fun and memorable event, and one
of the most social and cooperative in recent memory. It also resulted in the
second greatest spike for player logins in the history of the Genesis census!
(the first, of course, being the first time this event was run. Stroking,
for the win!!)
I will be awarding myself fifteen different varieties of Gontish curse-
baths for my tardiness in finishing out these award proceedings!
G.